Parental rage is never really about one thing. Most of the time parental rage builds gradually over the course of the day or few days in what we call the 'drip drip drip' effect.
Essentially this means, you aren't suddenly raging at them just because they wouldn't brush their teeth, you are actually raging about the fact they refused to get dressed this morning, wouldn't eat their breakfast or put on their shoes, that they didn't like dinner or want to go to bed and then the straw that broke the camel's back was that they wouldn't brush their teeth.
By that point your nervous system and your patience have absolutely had it and that's when the rage explodes out of you in an uncontrollable way.
The first thing to know is that this is normal. We need to watch how this rage explodes out but let's say you end up shouting at them. Is that ideal? No. Is it understandable? Yes.
So what can we do about parental rage?
I need to tell you that these moments are going to happen, what we are trying to do here is to lessen the frequency or severity but sometimes you are going to lose control of your emotions and you are probably going to shout.
Each drip needs to be attended to - this means trying to reset our nervous systems after each event. This might be having some time out, breathing, talking to a friend, listening to music (whatever calms you) after each time they won't put their shoes on etc. Telling your system, 'let this go now, don't hold onto it'.
If you feel it building, ask for help - ask for someone else to step in. Ask your partner to do bedtime tonight because you can feel the anger building.
Make sure your needs are being met - if your needs are not being met, if you aren't feeling good in life then your nervous system and your patience are going to be struggling anyway. Your rage is also dependent on how well you are being prioritised.
Make your feelings conscious - resentments, frustrations, you need to know about it. If you're not conscious of these feelings, every time something happens which contributes to the resentment or frustration, you are going to react more strongly.
Now of course more could be going on which is contributing to you feeling rageful and if you're struggling then do think about talking to someone. But please know that raising children is HARD and frustrating and there are going to be times you feel really angry.
Comments